Monkey butlers

If a workplace can spend some money on something, it should be monkey butlers.

Sure, they can cook us lunch and fill a building with peanuts for our entertainment. But there is a lot of merit in giving them some serious shin-kicking duties.

Pretend we're in an office.

If monkey butlers have a shin-kicking quota which is directly proportional to so-called productivity, every time someone (The Corporation) is pointlessly mean to someone else (Mr Joe Public) just to make more cash, they get a kick in the shins. If someone deserving is let off, despite it meaning that everyone works harder to meet their targets, the butler cooks them lunch and brings them a Belgian beer at the end of the day.

Thus, the monkey butlers will maintain the natural order and can be our conscience. And, a post-butler government objection response can now say:

"Whilst we are not provided with a discretion under the Act to remit these amounts, I hasten to assure you that the responsible officer has had his beard severely pulled by a Barbary macaque."

Either way, the Man (be thankful he don't take it all) can no longer get away with hitting up cancer-stricken pensioners penalties and interest just because they accidentally told the wrong office the right thing...

I think we've hit upon something. Do you?